So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
