her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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