Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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