Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
