Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
