I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
