I'm jealous of your bromance
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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