Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
