You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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