I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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