Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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