weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
