you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
