Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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