haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
