her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like a drive thru vagina
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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