I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
