News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she told me i tasted like america
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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