haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
