He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize