Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
