...so i touched it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
