4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize