3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
