Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
