I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
