i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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