I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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