Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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