Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
