so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
