that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
