On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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