So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
