20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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