So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
