It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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