Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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