He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
