i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
