If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
