I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
