I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
