you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
