could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
