he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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