It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
