dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
