the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
