just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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