dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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