5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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