8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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