Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
