She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
