If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
