Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize