u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
