i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
