I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
