I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
