Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize