Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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