Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
