don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
