I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
