so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
