youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
