we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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