I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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