I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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