I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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