Me too!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize