No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
