I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
