this beer tastes like vomit already
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
