Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
