And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
