Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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