Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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