it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
