having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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