He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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