she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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