then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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