I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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